Today's "Gazeta Wyborcza" explains what is the state of exception and how it can be done. Technically. I had nightmares again, and as I went out, it seemed to me that an African man coming down straight on me carried a machine gun.
When I read these things, I have the sensation that reality fluctuates slightly in front of my eyes. Is it real? Do I read on "Gazeta Wyborcza" that a state of exception may be introduced in Poland any day now? Or it is their womanly silliness? The author of the article is a man, of course, but gender is a cultural construct.
How real is it? I would say a comfortable 85%, maybe even up to 95%. We cannot say we did not see it coming. Anyway, the outcomes are little more than two weeks away; all doubt will be dissipated soon.
What can I do? How can I face these coming two weeks? I retrieved some extra money from cash machine. What else?
I should work, be a scholar again. Take steps to grant myself a future. Meanwhile, I think what kind of menial work I might take on, if the circumstances force me to suspend my academic career for a while. Perhaps still no need to come down to this. I have enough resources to persevere, go on with my studies. If only the cotton in my skull might become a brain once again. The most reasonable thing to do, I presume, would be to get back to my proposal and simply anticipate the positive outcome, start realising the research. Go on with everything as planned. Europe will reopen soon. And I should reopen my little intellectual stand together with it. Everything will be as planned.
Here I am, in Lisbon, the familiar marble pavement under my feet. Portugal will be back to normal soon. One of the coming Sundays I might go to the Gulbenkian museum again.
Ah, and Ramadan starts today. I could have some sort of plan for it as well. Study Quran, learn Arabic words, write any little paper in Islamic studies, a book review on any recent Brill publication. There is more homeland than just Poland. More books than just those that I left in Kraków. More things to worry about than just the authoritarian takeovers of Middle Europe. I could be above this new emergency, if it comes true. When it comes true.
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world...
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand.