Admitting that with God nothing is impossible, for what should I actually pray? What should be my munājāt, the whispered intimate prayers?
If I went to a psychologist with my problem, I suppose he or she would say that I suffer from the prince-on-the-white-horse syndrome, blocked and frustrated in my dreams of some sort of impossible encounter. Certainly, there are women who, confronted with just 10 average men, would be happy and glad if they could get the best one among those 10. There are women who would be glad if they could chose the best among 100. A vast majority of women on this planet chose just inside the narrow limits of their village. I've gone global many years ago. Meanwhile, I suppose that my ideal partner would exist as a single individual among perhaps 10 or 100 thousand. This is just the result of many superposed requirements. (If the sufficiently rich are 2% of the population and the sufficiently handsome are 10%, the men fulfilling both requirements are only 0,002%, i.e. 2 in 1000, if my mathematics are not too rusty, and I'm just at the beginning of my requirements - even if there is a sort of cumulative bonus: the rich are usually more handsome than the average in the general population, and it is redundant to ask if they are sufficiently educated, because usually they are). Yet this is why I put God in this calculus; otherwise I would never get out of the infinitesimals. I believe that in the uttermost, the real thing wouldn't have nothing to do with the statistics. The real thing would be just a 1 to 1 encounter.
So the first of my prayers was to get out of my village, of my nation. Not to be reduced to those men close at home who whisper that they would like to penetrate me at all fours "like a real bitch" and count, fascinated, a porn in which a guy was making love to a Labrador retriever. The first prayer is to find myself away, very far away from the vileness, from the bad smell of those things. It is a prayer for purity. To purify my mind, to be above such things, images, associations. I laugh at them, perhaps a healthy laughter, but I would like to see them at a greater distance from me. It is a game of beyonds.
The second prayer is to get out of the statistical and to enter the miraculous.
The third prayer is for faith, patience and perseverance.