EWA A. ŁUKASZYK
  • Home
  • ABOUT
  • THEORY & EXPERIMENTS
    • BEYOND TRANSMISSION
    • DESERT
    • EROTICISM OF TRACE
    • INTIMATE MICROSPHERES
    • NON-CULTURAL MORPHOGENESIS
    • PINWHEELS
    • POETICS OF THE VOID
    • SYMBOLIC MATRIX
  • RESEARCH & PROJECTS
    • DISCIPLINES >
      • LITERARY THEORY
      • COMPARATIVE LITERATURE
      • GLOBAL LITERARY STUDIES
      • HISTORY OF IDEAS
      • CULTURAL THEORY & ANALYSIS
    • AREAS >
      • ISLAMIC STUDIES
      • ARAB LITERATURE
      • MAGHREBIAN & WEST AFRICAN STUDIES
      • WEST EUROPEAN & EURO-MEDITERRANEAN LITERATURES
      • EAST EUROPEAN & POST-SOVIET LITERATURES
      • PORTUGUESE STUDIES
      • LUSOPHONE AFRICAN STUDIES
      • LATIN AMERICAN STUDIES
    • PERIODS >
      • MEDIEVAL & EARLY MODERN STUDIES
      • 19TH-CENTURY STUDIES
    • FIELDS >
      • TRANSCULTURAL HUMANITIES
      • TRANSCOLONIAL & TRANSINDIGENOUS STUDIES
      • MARITIME HUMANITIES
      • FEMINISMS, GENDER & QUEER STUDIES
      • EROTICISM & SEXUALITY STUDIES
      • PLANT & ANIMAL STUDIES
      • APOCALYPTIC STUDIES
    • TOPICS >
      • TRAVEL WRITING
      • WRITINGS ON ART
  • LIBRARY & THE WORLD
    • ARCTIC & SCANDINAVIA >
      • GREENLAND
      • ICELAND
      • NORWAY
      • SWEDEN
      • FINLAND
      • DENMARK
    • EASTERN EUROPE >
      • ESTONIA
      • LATVIA
      • LITHUANIA
      • RUSSIA
      • BELARUS
      • UKRAINE
      • POLAND
      • Forty Years of Travel in Poland
      • CZECH REPUBLIC
      • SLOVAKIA
      • HUNGARY
      • ROMANIA
      • MOLDOVA
    • WESTERN EUROPE >
      • IRELAND
      • SCOTLAND
      • GREAT BRITAIN
      • NETHERLANDS
      • BELGIUM
      • LUXEMBURG
      • GERMANY
      • AUSTRIA
      • LIECHTENSTEIN
      • SWITZERLAND
      • FRANCE
      • MIDI
      • ITALY
      • VENICE
      • SICILY
      • MALTA
      • CATALONIA
      • SPAIN
      • PORTUGAL
      • CANARY ISLANDS
    • THE BALKANS >
      • SLOVENIA
      • CROATIA
      • SERBIA
      • ALBANIA
      • BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA
      • MONTENEGRO
      • BULGARIA
      • NORTH MACEDONIA
      • GREECE
    • CAUCASUS >
      • GEORGIA
      • ARMENIA
      • AZERBAIJAN
      • CHECHNYA & INGUSHETIA
      • DAGESTAN
      • A Ride across the Caucasus
    • MIDDLE EAST >
      • EGYPT
      • LEBANON
      • PALESTINE
      • ISRAEL
      • CYPRUS
      • TURKEY
      • CAPPADOCIA
      • KURDISTAN
      • SYRIA
      • IRAQ
      • KUWAIT
      • JORDAN
      • SAUDI ARABIA
      • QATAR
      • UNITED ARAB EMIRATES
      • BAHRAIN
      • OMAN
      • YEMEN
    • MAGHREB & SAHEL >
      • AL-ANDALUS
      • MOROCCO
      • TUNISIA
      • ALGERIA
      • LIBYA
      • SAHRAWI REPUBLIC
      • MAURITANIA
      • MALI
      • BURKINA FASO
      • NIGER
      • CHAD
      • SUDAN
      • FULANI WORLD
      • MANDINGA WORLD
    • WEST AFRICA >
      • SENEGAL
      • GAMBIA
      • CAPE VERDE
      • GUINEA-BISSAU
      • GUINEA
      • SIERRA LEONE
      • IVORY COAST
      • GHANA
      • SAO TOME & PRINCIPE
      • TOGO
      • BENIN
      • NIGERIA
      • CAMEROON
      • EQUATORIAL GUINEA
      • CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC
      • GABON
    • THE HORN OF AFRICA >
      • ETHIOPIA
      • ERITREA
      • DJIBOUTI
      • SOMALIA
    • THE SOUTH OF AFRICA >
      • CONGO
      • UGANDA
      • KENYA
      • RWANDA
      • BURUNDI
      • TANZANIA
      • ANGOLA
      • ZAMBIA
      • MALAWI
      • MOZAMBIQUE
      • ZIMBABWE
      • NAMIBIA
      • BOTSWANA
      • SOUTH AFRICA
      • LESOTHO
      • ESWATINI
    • INDIA & INDIAN OCEAN >
      • INDIA
      • NEPAL
      • BHUTAN
      • BANGLADESH
      • SRI LANKA
      • MALDIVES
      • SEYCHELLES
      • MAURITIUS
      • COMOROS
      • MADAGASCAR
    • SOUTH EAST ASIA >
      • LAOS
      • VIETNAM
      • CAMBODIA
      • MYANMAR
      • THAILAND
      • MALAYSIA
      • SINGAPORE
      • BRUNEI
      • INDONESIA
      • BALI
      • TIMOR
      • PHILIPPINES
    • IRAN & CENTRAL ASIA >
      • IRAN
      • AFGHANISTAN
      • PAKISTAN
      • UZBEKISTAN
      • TAJIKISTAN
      • KYRGYZSTAN
      • TURKMENISTAN
      • KAZAKHSTAN
      • TAKLAMAKAN & THE UYGHURS
    • NORTH & NORTH EAST ASIA >
      • CHUKOTKA & KAMCHATKA
      • SAKHA (YAKUTIA)
      • JAPAN
      • MANCHURIA
      • KOREA
      • BURYATIA
      • TUVA
      • MONGOLIA
      • CHINA
      • TIBET
    • NORTH AMERICA >
      • CANADA
      • UNITED STATES
    • MESOAMERICA >
      • MEXICO
      • GUATEMALA
      • BELIZE
      • EL SALVADOR
      • HONDURAS
      • NICARAGUA
      • COSTA RICA
      • PANAMA
    • THE CARIBBEAN >
      • CUBA
      • JAMAICA
      • HAITI
      • DOMINICAN REPUBLIC
      • PUERTO RICO
      • MARTINIQUE
      • TRINIDAD & TOBAGO
    • SOUTH AMERICA >
      • BRAZIL
      • COLOMBIA
      • VENEZUELA
      • GUYANA
      • SURINAME
      • ECUADOR
      • PERU
      • BOLIVIA
      • URUGUAY
      • PARAGUAY
      • ARGENTINA
      • CHILE
    • POLYNESIA >
      • EASTER ISLAND
      • TAHITI & FRENCH POLYNESIA
      • SAMOA
      • TONGA
    • MICRONESIA >
      • MARSHALL ISLANDS
      • PALAU
      • KIRIBATI
    • MELANESIA >
      • PAPUA NEW GUINEA
      • NEW CALEDONIA
      • VANUATU
      • FIJI
      • SOLOMON ISLANDS
    • AUSTRALASIA >
      • AUSTRALIA
      • NEW ZEALAND
    • ANTARCTICA >
      • EXPLORATION
  • AUTOBIOGRAPHICA & MARGINALIA
    • The Four Riders
    • The Flight of the Crimson Angel
    • Becoming undead
    • Transition
    • LIFESTYLE
    • ON LANGUAGES
    • FALCONRY
    • NATURE PHOTOGRAPHY >
      • PLANTS >
        • BOTANIC GARDENS
        • FORESTS
      • BUTTERFLIES
      • AMPHIBIANS & REPTILES
      • BIRDS
      • MAMMALS
      • WATER & AQUATIC LIFE
      • EARTH
      • LIGHT
    • GARDEN & DESERT. Erotic Journal
  • News & Events
    • Void in the making. RESEARCH BLOG
  • TEXTS
  • Contact

GARDEN & DESERT
​
Erotic Journal

On lasting effects

1/2/2018

0 Comments

 
Oh, yes, it brought a lasting effect, my 1% therapy last Sunday. The first consequence of the new stance is that you see your old self deeper down, that's logic. I've been throwing some of my old papers and notes, shamefully, and I still have to remove some older, weaker papers from this page. They make my image very improper indeed; nothing to boost about in the fact that I've written them. And the note on the cover of my new book -- mentioning that I've published 200 items or so -- is certainly a part of the ironic device of the whole. I've contributed -- oh, how generously -- to the 99% of shit. 
I've been trying to recuperate and consolidate some valuable part of my past production, translating some things into English. But the operation only reveals my nakedness, and the distance that was separating me from authentic international scholarship when I was writing those things. Sure enough, a gecko growing up to become a dragon cannot find the matter to foster this growth in the fat reserve of her own tail. 
And I've been facing problems with finishing the paper for Dublin I promised two months ago. Perhaps it should be the proper essay, well, after my therapy, the proper essays are the only things that really count. Today I'm busy, got to go to Orleans, but I do hope Friday and Saturday the things will arrange themselves somehow. On a crystal pinnacle, the only way left is up; the descent would be even more vertiginous and disastrous than climbing.
Oh yes, the 1% is not a funny thing. It brings me nightmares. This night I dreamed that I was in Poland, wearing a kind of dress of coarse linen, half an Arabic djellaba, half a clothe of poverty, clear brown colour and dirty. And I went to inquire how far my last degree was. The secretary of some dusty place showed me a big handwritten book, where my name stood, awaiting a couple of signatures. She said it will take a long time, a year or two, hard to say. And my mother had no such patience.
Clearly enough, I've got many decisions to take, and many things to leave behind. Step by step, I withdraw my attachments and my engagement. And I enter the wilderness, in this coarse dress of Arabs, or perhaps of early Christian eremites, which essentially means the same. 
And perhaps the difference between my 1 proper % and those 99 shitty ones is precisely this. The fact that my 200 publications are literally pulverised in my hands. I imagine many other people would be proud and consider themselves big professors, enormously distinguished. Wow, I've just had my 7th book, and 2nd this year, and it is five hundred fourteen standard pages, as my peer-reviewer stressed. And yet I'm naked, facing the desert thorns tearing my very flesh apart. Naked to my rattling bones. 
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    blog archives

    September 2022
    August 2022
    June 2022
    February 2022
    December 2021
    September 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    March 2021
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    November 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • ABOUT
  • THEORY & EXPERIMENTS
    • BEYOND TRANSMISSION
    • DESERT
    • EROTICISM OF TRACE
    • INTIMATE MICROSPHERES
    • NON-CULTURAL MORPHOGENESIS
    • PINWHEELS
    • POETICS OF THE VOID
    • SYMBOLIC MATRIX
  • RESEARCH & PROJECTS
    • DISCIPLINES >
      • LITERARY THEORY
      • COMPARATIVE LITERATURE
      • GLOBAL LITERARY STUDIES
      • HISTORY OF IDEAS
      • CULTURAL THEORY & ANALYSIS
    • AREAS >
      • ISLAMIC STUDIES
      • ARAB LITERATURE
      • MAGHREBIAN & WEST AFRICAN STUDIES
      • WEST EUROPEAN & EURO-MEDITERRANEAN LITERATURES
      • EAST EUROPEAN & POST-SOVIET LITERATURES
      • PORTUGUESE STUDIES
      • LUSOPHONE AFRICAN STUDIES
      • LATIN AMERICAN STUDIES
    • PERIODS >
      • MEDIEVAL & EARLY MODERN STUDIES
      • 19TH-CENTURY STUDIES
    • FIELDS >
      • TRANSCULTURAL HUMANITIES
      • TRANSCOLONIAL & TRANSINDIGENOUS STUDIES
      • MARITIME HUMANITIES
      • FEMINISMS, GENDER & QUEER STUDIES
      • EROTICISM & SEXUALITY STUDIES
      • PLANT & ANIMAL STUDIES
      • APOCALYPTIC STUDIES
    • TOPICS >
      • TRAVEL WRITING
      • WRITINGS ON ART
  • LIBRARY & THE WORLD
    • ARCTIC & SCANDINAVIA >
      • GREENLAND
      • ICELAND
      • NORWAY
      • SWEDEN
      • FINLAND
      • DENMARK
    • EASTERN EUROPE >
      • ESTONIA
      • LATVIA
      • LITHUANIA
      • RUSSIA
      • BELARUS
      • UKRAINE
      • POLAND
      • Forty Years of Travel in Poland
      • CZECH REPUBLIC
      • SLOVAKIA
      • HUNGARY
      • ROMANIA
      • MOLDOVA
    • WESTERN EUROPE >
      • IRELAND
      • SCOTLAND
      • GREAT BRITAIN
      • NETHERLANDS
      • BELGIUM
      • LUXEMBURG
      • GERMANY
      • AUSTRIA
      • LIECHTENSTEIN
      • SWITZERLAND
      • FRANCE
      • MIDI
      • ITALY
      • VENICE
      • SICILY
      • MALTA
      • CATALONIA
      • SPAIN
      • PORTUGAL
      • CANARY ISLANDS
    • THE BALKANS >
      • SLOVENIA
      • CROATIA
      • SERBIA
      • ALBANIA
      • BOSNIA & HERZEGOVINA
      • MONTENEGRO
      • BULGARIA
      • NORTH MACEDONIA
      • GREECE
    • CAUCASUS >
      • GEORGIA
      • ARMENIA
      • AZERBAIJAN
      • CHECHNYA & INGUSHETIA
      • DAGESTAN
      • A Ride across the Caucasus
    • MIDDLE EAST >
      • EGYPT
      • LEBANON
      • PALESTINE
      • ISRAEL
      • CYPRUS
      • TURKEY
      • CAPPADOCIA
      • KURDISTAN
      • SYRIA
      • IRAQ
      • KUWAIT
      • JORDAN
      • SAUDI ARABIA
      • QATAR
      • UNITED ARAB EMIRATES
      • BAHRAIN
      • OMAN
      • YEMEN
    • MAGHREB & SAHEL >
      • AL-ANDALUS
      • MOROCCO
      • TUNISIA
      • ALGERIA
      • LIBYA
      • SAHRAWI REPUBLIC
      • MAURITANIA
      • MALI
      • BURKINA FASO
      • NIGER
      • CHAD
      • SUDAN
      • FULANI WORLD
      • MANDINGA WORLD
    • WEST AFRICA >
      • SENEGAL
      • GAMBIA
      • CAPE VERDE
      • GUINEA-BISSAU
      • GUINEA
      • SIERRA LEONE
      • IVORY COAST
      • GHANA
      • SAO TOME & PRINCIPE
      • TOGO
      • BENIN
      • NIGERIA
      • CAMEROON
      • EQUATORIAL GUINEA
      • CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC
      • GABON
    • THE HORN OF AFRICA >
      • ETHIOPIA
      • ERITREA
      • DJIBOUTI
      • SOMALIA
    • THE SOUTH OF AFRICA >
      • CONGO
      • UGANDA
      • KENYA
      • RWANDA
      • BURUNDI
      • TANZANIA
      • ANGOLA
      • ZAMBIA
      • MALAWI
      • MOZAMBIQUE
      • ZIMBABWE
      • NAMIBIA
      • BOTSWANA
      • SOUTH AFRICA
      • LESOTHO
      • ESWATINI
    • INDIA & INDIAN OCEAN >
      • INDIA
      • NEPAL
      • BHUTAN
      • BANGLADESH
      • SRI LANKA
      • MALDIVES
      • SEYCHELLES
      • MAURITIUS
      • COMOROS
      • MADAGASCAR
    • SOUTH EAST ASIA >
      • LAOS
      • VIETNAM
      • CAMBODIA
      • MYANMAR
      • THAILAND
      • MALAYSIA
      • SINGAPORE
      • BRUNEI
      • INDONESIA
      • BALI
      • TIMOR
      • PHILIPPINES
    • IRAN & CENTRAL ASIA >
      • IRAN
      • AFGHANISTAN
      • PAKISTAN
      • UZBEKISTAN
      • TAJIKISTAN
      • KYRGYZSTAN
      • TURKMENISTAN
      • KAZAKHSTAN
      • TAKLAMAKAN & THE UYGHURS
    • NORTH & NORTH EAST ASIA >
      • CHUKOTKA & KAMCHATKA
      • SAKHA (YAKUTIA)
      • JAPAN
      • MANCHURIA
      • KOREA
      • BURYATIA
      • TUVA
      • MONGOLIA
      • CHINA
      • TIBET
    • NORTH AMERICA >
      • CANADA
      • UNITED STATES
    • MESOAMERICA >
      • MEXICO
      • GUATEMALA
      • BELIZE
      • EL SALVADOR
      • HONDURAS
      • NICARAGUA
      • COSTA RICA
      • PANAMA
    • THE CARIBBEAN >
      • CUBA
      • JAMAICA
      • HAITI
      • DOMINICAN REPUBLIC
      • PUERTO RICO
      • MARTINIQUE
      • TRINIDAD & TOBAGO
    • SOUTH AMERICA >
      • BRAZIL
      • COLOMBIA
      • VENEZUELA
      • GUYANA
      • SURINAME
      • ECUADOR
      • PERU
      • BOLIVIA
      • URUGUAY
      • PARAGUAY
      • ARGENTINA
      • CHILE
    • POLYNESIA >
      • EASTER ISLAND
      • TAHITI & FRENCH POLYNESIA
      • SAMOA
      • TONGA
    • MICRONESIA >
      • MARSHALL ISLANDS
      • PALAU
      • KIRIBATI
    • MELANESIA >
      • PAPUA NEW GUINEA
      • NEW CALEDONIA
      • VANUATU
      • FIJI
      • SOLOMON ISLANDS
    • AUSTRALASIA >
      • AUSTRALIA
      • NEW ZEALAND
    • ANTARCTICA >
      • EXPLORATION
  • AUTOBIOGRAPHICA & MARGINALIA
    • The Four Riders
    • The Flight of the Crimson Angel
    • Becoming undead
    • Transition
    • LIFESTYLE
    • ON LANGUAGES
    • FALCONRY
    • NATURE PHOTOGRAPHY >
      • PLANTS >
        • BOTANIC GARDENS
        • FORESTS
      • BUTTERFLIES
      • AMPHIBIANS & REPTILES
      • BIRDS
      • MAMMALS
      • WATER & AQUATIC LIFE
      • EARTH
      • LIGHT
    • GARDEN & DESERT. Erotic Journal
  • News & Events
    • Void in the making. RESEARCH BLOG
  • TEXTS
  • Contact