I announced an academic embargo against Poland, and started executing it. People who asked me peer-reviews and similar are advised that those things shall not be delivered. You always believed I will work for you, just for my sense of duty, an eternal servant to your cause, just as you kicked my buttock like a bitch, isn't it?
There remains a couple of things, mainly articles in journals, already set up for print. I let them go, they are not important. And so, soon it will be over. Unless anyone touches me with as little as his or her little finger.
I am a winner, of course. The service to a country where I was always postponed, ignored, treated as some sort of minor academic bystander (paprotka, potted fern, as it is called in Polish) is not essential for my career as a scholar. The least I have to do with Poland, the better it is for me. What do I leave behind? That's hilarious. If I stayed at the University of Warsaw, I would be a vaguely unqualified "pani od piesków i kotków" in the anthropozoology curriculum invented by the dean, the man I used endearingly call Petty Warlord. Alternatively - dziękuję Ci, Renatko - I would be a Lusitanist in the middle of a nest of wasps, all this still for a 1000-euro salary.
I still need a psychotherapy, it's clear. The anger in my belly is like a young wine, full of yeast. But I know that at a given moment the yeast will be drown in its own shit, i.e. alcohol, and it will be all over. I will no longer demand news from the country, just as I no longer demand the news of my family. It's the same process all over again. People who crossed the limits of the human, because they believed I am bounded to them forever. That the moral right of limitless torture is theirs, forever.
It is not. The time of Medea has come. POLEND is a new catch word I saw on a photo from the manifestations. Not a POLEXIT, that is a gone-by fashion, a bogey that ceased to be scary. That's a POLEND now. As I follow the covid statistics every night, I start to keep in mind and compare how much was the population of Poland only yesterday. And how much it is today. And how much it will be tomorrow.
Refugees unwelcome, huh?... So be it. Die out.
Bo to naród drani w swojej naturze. PiS jedynie pozwolił Polakom być sobą.
(a comment found on "Gazeta Wyborcza" site)