I still read "Gazeta Wyborcza" first thing in the morning; it is a bad habit indeed. The psychological process going on is the "ratification" of the state of exception by the opposition. The simple information that the state of exception will be introduced as an alleged consequence of the presidential election gone awry is openly divulged. What is more, it is enveloped in all sorts of exhilarating puns and comments, which, of course, facilitates the acceptance of the unacceptable and diminishes fear. As we say in Polish, the state of exception becomes tame (oswojony). Anticipated by a fortnight, ratified before it comes true, zero risk.
It is still hard to say that these developments surprise me. I wrote about the hidden mental solidarity between the opposition and the new authoritarian regime two or three years ago. I suppose the idea of this new state of exception appeals to nostalgias. We miss listening to Chopin again, on the heights of pathos, in the middle of History deploying national tragedy in its full colours. We like them dark and intense, it is not only my private taste.
I'm really tired with this never-ending story. Nonetheless, I continue attached to the familiar taste of it, just like a drunkard is attached to his daily provision of the cheapest wine. "Gazeta Wyborcza" every morning is a drug. Adrenaline shot. Emotional blow that stupefies for the rest of the day.
Meanwhile, I have things to do, I should write new papers, book reviews on recent Brill publications. I should at least learn new words. They simply do not enter my stupefied brain. Not even one by one. And I start to see it every day more clearly: as long as there is Poland, my life won't get back to normal. The choice is between this addiction and my dreams, my future, even my sheer biological survival.